Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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