i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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