it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
