I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
