I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
