Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
