rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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