You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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