i would punch a child for taco bell
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
