Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
