I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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