Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
