Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
