the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
