my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
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