i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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