There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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