How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
