I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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