why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
