So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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