her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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