I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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