you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
