you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
