She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
