i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
