I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
