it's like heaven, but drunker
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
