We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
