I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Randomize
