sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
