I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
