I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
