Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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