I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
