..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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