angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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