Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Randomize
