Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
