morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
