I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
