please come you make the beer taste better
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
