Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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