my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
