we're blogging at a bar
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
look no pants
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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