Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
