Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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