like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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