You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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