when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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