glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
