I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
