why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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