Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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